I met Jack Sparrow the other night. Which isn't as weird as it sounds given that Marty McFly, Doc. Brown, Princess Jasmine and the Goblin King from Labyrinth were also there. Fancy dress parties confuse the fuck out of me. The theme was childhood memories and I kept up my superb streak of not actually making a costume, instead I went as the memory of my dad's depressive alcoholism. Some people didn't get it...

Anyway, my laziness when it comes to fancy dress parties is not the point of this note. Instead it's the fact that by some random chance, Jack Sparrow also knew stoner rock! That's right, bands such as Karma to Burn, Kyuss and Clutch. A band can't be obscure if more than one person's heard of it, right?! The fact that I care so much about this probably proves that no, they are still so obscure. Fukkit.

Moving on. I now have a job. Score! Bennets Bar, literally two minutes away from the flat, friendly staff and most importantly: MONEY! Hsk hsk hsk (that's Muttley laughing. I won't point this out again.) Soon I shall have that XBox 360 I have been waiting for.

Also, three plays coming up this Fresher's week. Bald Soprano, Popcorn and Candlewasters. If you're someone from Edinburgh, you should be there. In fact, you're probably a Bedlam person so will be anyway. Good for you! But even if you're not, be there anyway. Why? Freshers. I am intrigued to see what they're like. I feel like a scientist who's about to get a sample of some exotic creature to study and dissect. Hsk hsk hsk.