Am I the only one who thinks that Deuchars all of a sudden tastes like horse piss? I used to drink the stuff by the gallon but now I find the tase repulses me. Maybe it's because Ive spent too much time in Cloisters and Doctors where you're literally spoilt for choice when it comes to real ale. God it's amazing. Especially in Cloisters because they serve it in jugs. Jugs! True civilisation... I keep suggestively rolling cigarettes by the bar in the vain hope that they manager will say 'Fukkit, why not smoke in here instead of freezing your bollocks off on the street?'. It's just a fool's hope. Apparently that was enough for Gandalf and Merry, but not me. Once again a fat Kiwi with a beard lies to me. Or is it a direct quote from Tolkein? I neither know nor care.

I was partly inspired by a Seinfeld episode I watched today where George decides to do the opposite of every instinct he has, unsurprisingly everything goes right for him and his life changes around completely. 'Great,' I thought, 'I'll do the opposite of everything I'd normally do, meaning I'll put down that pint and that cigarette and do some proper work and revision, get an amazing degree and lead a clean and healthy lifestyle.' And then I sat on Facebook for a bit. Before I knew it I'd smoked an entire pack of Drum and finished a 6 pack. Fukkit.

I keep staring at my letterbox, willing the camera charger to come through it... it's been too long since I've annoyed and blinded my friends. Tee hee. I love waiting for stuff to come through the mail. Hence the reason that there's a draw filled with letters I've sent to myself. I take them out occasionally so I can laugh at how much more I know than the person that sent them.

I read something that made me laugh today: 'Ham and eggs. A day's work for the chicken, a lifetime commitment for the pig.'