Saturday, August 18, 2007

when students attack

students have always been keen to voice their opinion. god knows why, they're in the worst possible position to make rational decisions. students have no idea what the real world is like because they're floating around in this bubble between school and the real world. feeling like we're grownup but without any real sense of what we're meant to be doing tomorrow, let alone two years from now, gives us rationality and farsightedness akin to one of those dogs that were rocketed up into space. thrashing blindly at flashing buttons as we drift, slowly suffocating before being re-born as cubicle office workers.

but, voice their opinion they do, myself included. no matter how misguided and uninformed they may be. when these opinions are voiced in something like politics, that's fine. student politics is great just cos you can stand on the outside and laugh. there will be no shortage of humour i get from all the 'political' groups people keep trying to get me to join on facebook:


hilarious, every one of them. i enjoy taking a few moments out of my day to check the walls of some personal favourites. not because of the subject matter, jovial as it may be, but more the student views posted on the walls. how do they come up with this bullshit? it's superb. apart from this one. that's just hate mongering.

but now the student's hightened sense of self-importance and lack of ability to perceive a world outside of their own campus walls has gone a step too far. i recevied a group invitation to the group, "Get Edinburgh on the new monopoly board". curious, i went and had a look. in case you're not as curious/bored, it's a new monopoly game where people can vote for which towns and cities of the uk they want put on the board. the more votes a place gets, the higher the value of the property it will be in the board game. unfortunately you can't vote on utilities. maybe they're worried 'fat dan's plumbing services' would win. anyway, the reason this pissed me off is because of the way the votes have turned out. mayfair and park lane, the two sweetest spots in the cherry of monopoly, will be exeter and keele. the two best places in the uk as voted by you. slightly perturbed, i scrolled down the list just to check how far down in the top 10 edinburgh was. i kept on scrolling down. past 15. was edinburgh not allowed to compete because it would be too unfair to the other contestants? wait a minute, there it is! whitechapel: edinburgh. what? that shitty little brown one that everyone has a good chuckle over landing on and buying 'just for the hell of it'. that's where edinburgh is? i did chuckle at the fact that glasgow is one below edinburgh at old cunt road, but surely this would be a more appropriate location for, say, loughborough. a town with the cultural significance of a cat fart. fuck no! say the voting public. there it is at regent streets. in the fucking greens!

then i got a sickening feeling in my stomach. this wasn't an act of open and honest democracry. this was an act of sabotage by bastard students who should be masturbating. they're all university towns. this is an accurate, up to the date tally of which university students have nothing better to do with their time. it's an eye opener into which unviersity students actually care about nothing. and it's besmirched the good name of monopoly. all this thanks to facebook. the time is coming, facebook is starting to destroy the natural order of things. it's allowing students to communicate and organise at a pace never before thought possible. when it came to doing something in the past, most students were put off by the thought of walking. now that barrier has been lifted. thanks to these bastards, kids this christmas will think the likes of sheffield, shrewsbury and lincoln are the places good people go to. i don't want to see their little broken hearts when they run away to live in sheffield, the city of dreams, and see that it's really a bit shit. *sniff*

maybe one day us students will wake up to the fact that the best way to do something meaningful at university is to work hard at your degree so that when the real world comes you can cope with it. instead of wasting hours doing nothing of significance. sometimes i get suspicious that they have, just no one's told me.

EDIT: this is the only time i'm gonna do this, but i just wanted to laugh at the fact that edinburgh has climbed up to euston road, whilst london has slipped in to whitechapel. i had generally assumed that london couldn't take part because the areas in original monopoly came from london. come on, london's got more culture and things of interest than the rest of the uk, combined and squared. dippy tarts...

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