Monday, October 22, 2007

P.A.L.E.S.T.I.N.E. - E.N.I.T.S.E.L.A.P.

palestine is a country in the middle of the east that regularly appears in the news, but there were probably some facts about the country you didn't know about. until now...

first some history. before palestine was created it was actually going to be used as a nepal site. the country of nepal was going to occupy the territory and the two countries were close to going to war over the dispute until saint peel stepped in and decreed otherwise. this is why there is still a high level of distrust between the nepalese and palestinians.

the people of palestine are enthusiastic lovers of exotic animals; many families have at least one saline pet. the high salt count in the animals caused by their regular dipping in the dead sea. this is also why eel paints are so commonly used to mark the country's borders. these paints are made by squeezing the eels, the liver juices of which can then be used to paint the pâté lines. this technique was used when constructing the now infamous spite lane, a long strip where prisoners were paraded through to the jeers, taunts and rotten tomatoes of onlookers.

palestine also plays a key role in the entertainment industry. many of the very first tape lines were recorded in jerusalem on the now hard to come-by salient ep by the band steep nail. there is also an entire alpine set which has been used to film such hollywood blockbusters as 'on her majesty's secret service' and 'cool runnings'. the sequel to spinal tap, spinal tee, a mockumentary about the world of golf, goes into production there this autumn.

palestine was also the setting for the arabian nights story, penis tale. a raunchy erotic love story about a penis struggling to find love in the gaza strip. penis tale was removed from subsequent editions of the arabian nights for reasons of decency.

whilst many site america as been the ufo centre, it's actually palestine that has the most flying saucer encounters. it's become such a problem that hamas has now set up the alien pest bureau. this bureau is designed to tackle the problem of alien invaders, and a highly disciplined army has arisen as a result. the recruitment scheme works as follows: anyone entering the bureau is told, "silent ape!" the shocked and stunned recruit is then told to, "enlist ape!” which he subsequently does, after which his only orders are to, "listen ape!".

this military force has recently suffered from a bout of the snipe late disease, where the snipers have a two second delay between their brain and trigger finger, which caused the disastrous crash of a passenger plane when a sniper shot late, thinking it was a ufo, the bullet caught the tail of the plane sending it into a tail speen and crashing it. ironically enough, it landed on the plane site. a site dedicated to planes and their uses.

palestine's main industry is in snail peet. this peet is created by placing layer upon layer of snails on top of each other until the weight creates this kind of gooey snail paste, a rare delicacy in arabian kitchens and a good source of non-carbon fuel. however, the process has meant that palestine has had to adopt an antipsleep policy, to prevent the snails running off when no one is looking. penalties can be severe, if one is found asleep on the job a stale pine may be inserted into any orifice the justice system deems appropriate.

palestine: the state of wonder. go there and experience something you've never experienced before. for more information, visit silent pea, the palestinian tourist board website.

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