comedy celebrity racists

i saw this today and thought i'd travelled back in time through the power of my mind alone. sadly not. time travel is still one of the many, many cool things beyond my grasp*. the whole affair is brilliantly sordid. i can just imagine barrymore socialising with these young, hip guys... the champagne's flowing, the drugs are starting to kick in, and there's a swimming pool outside should anyone be so inclined for some water sports. i would have loved to have seen his hilariously elastic face contort into a grimace of horror as, naked and covered in shit, he realises the fun and sex games have gone too far and someone's lost an eye. or become plugged up with drugs and semen in this case.

it reminds me of the scene from i know what you did last summer where the teenagers try and decide what to do with the body of the man they’ve killed. barrymore would be the quivering wreck of a teenage girl who's in over her head as everything falls apart around him and the police come searching for a suspicious body in a swimming pool because where else are you going to dispose of a corpse when you're off your head on coke?

unless of course it was barrymoore who was the one leading the gang rape, screaming for more as he buggered this poor individual until he could take no more, before fulfilling his sick snuff fetish by keeping the guy's head held firmly under the water, creating a vacuum between mouth and cock as the hapless individual sucked barrymore off for one final, fatal time.

which version turns out to be true is for the police to decide. i can only speculate. still, i can imagine the cries of, "not giltee!" that will be bleated out by the more docile in society. their foolproof* defense goes along the lines of, "i've seen him on tv and he looks like such a lovely man, i can’t imagine him doing anything nasty like drugs and anal buggery". i take a different view. i've seen barrymore on television too. i'm not surprised hosting some of that concentration camp television drove him to drugs and anal rape. it's a wonder he could keep the facade up for so long. how many other bodies are there barrymore? been receiving any calls from portugal or vietnam*?

it wouldn't matter if a thorough search of the barrymore mansion turned up a troop of castrated gorilla* sex slaves, some people would still refuse to believe that he was guilty. these fucktards who can't see through the implicit lies of telelvision and entertainment as a whole tend to be the ones who waste everyone's fucking time talking about the negative influences of media on society, ignoring unimportant factors such as parental upbringing and whether the person being influenced has an IQ above 80. i think of it as a form of pascal's wager. whether they're right or not, i want to do everything in my power to make sure i don't turn out like them. if that means being influenced by violent films and computer games then so be it.

i digress...* i like this kind of story because it reminds everyone that celebrities are just people. we shouldn't be so shocked and surprised when they do drugs, or have sex, or whatever it is anyone else would do in the same situation. but then everyone loves to have someone else to criticise because we're all such lovely human beings deep down. ok, so maybe what happened to this guy isn't your everyday affair but barrymore's such a natural comedian, i can't help but find it funny.

sometimes though i do feel sorry for the way celebrities are expected to be beacons of moral virtue, until i look again into the cold dark eyes of a killer...

p.s. i don't want to give her any genuine space but it’s along similar lines… i hear paris hilton's been crying in prison. good, i hope your skull gets smashed repeatedly against a prison wall in the middle of the day while the other prisoners and guards stare on with a quiet, blank look until your skull finally cracks and your brain bleeds out from your eye socket. the last sight i want you to see as the blood drips into your eyes, blinding you, is the way an entire group of people will finally execute you with complete indifference.

again, this was a note from back in june so it may not be cutting edge relevant, but if you were living in a far off nepalese mountain which it takes 4 months to get to then it totally would be. i like to thing of this blog as the nepalese mountain. if this pisses you off then just catch up on my facebook page.